Letting Go of Attachments 2.0
May 17, 2018--
I cried and felt so much in pain from its eve that I had to huddle in bed quietly under the sheets sobbing next to Kim. She said no words, and kinda got it--so she just said: "He probably is always watching over you, like an angel, you know." So eventually I felt calm.
It was my grandfather's 26th deathversary, and that was THAT.
How do you want to get there when it does, so then when we finally let go of it, people remember us by not holding on to the bad memories but to live with their lives remembering the good ones.
From this week of feeling so imbalanced and weird, will always come with some learning. This year, I've gone into really looking deep inside into my authentic self and saw my grandfather in me, glimpses of him at the very least. I want to remember him for the amazing person that he is. I will never think of him anything less than the best FATHER in my entire lifetime.
Tony, I hope I make you proud.
I love you,
Toni III
I cried and felt so much in pain from its eve that I had to huddle in bed quietly under the sheets sobbing next to Kim. She said no words, and kinda got it--so she just said: "He probably is always watching over you, like an angel, you know." So eventually I felt calm.
My week was full of the most imbalanced feelings I've ever had, it was worse than the week before you get your period.
It was my grandfather's 26th deathversary, and that was THAT.
So then, the letting go part of every human interaction sometimes are held back with past deep relationships broken by death from life. I believe that for the rest of my life, I will never let this one go. I carry his name everyday as my own.
This whole losing my grandfather-anniversary thing has taught me a great deal of letting go of all attachments to anything. When I say this, I don't mean to sound uncaring with no fucks given at all, but it's more of like a careful evaluation of yourself and to the things and relationships you have with each one of them.
There is growth in every pain of an emotion you feel, for every hardship and struggle comes this beautiful life of an ever-changing mystery. In the end, we just know-- it WILL all end.
How do you want to get there when it does, so then when we finally let go of it, people remember us by not holding on to the bad memories but to live with their lives remembering the good ones.
From this week of feeling so imbalanced and weird, will always come with some learning. This year, I've gone into really looking deep inside into my authentic self and saw my grandfather in me, glimpses of him at the very least. I want to remember him for the amazing person that he is. I will never think of him anything less than the best FATHER in my entire lifetime.
Tony, I hope I make you proud.
I love you,
Toni III
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