But did you die?

She ruffled out the wrinkling itch on her nose and thought to herself, "well, it's either I experience this now or, really--never, so here goes..."

--she stepped out on the stage and as the bright lights glistened through the tops of the crowd's head, she realized, she can only hear her breath through her ears, noise-cancelled, audience paused, and an overpowering force inside of her pushes out this voice, and out it came...then it flowed.

It is all theater. 

The stage, 

the spotlights, 

the feeling of being watched. 

The feeling of it all, it envelops your existence, even before you step on that stage. It's the imagination of what fear is, of what it would be like... like the whole world is watching, and you're scared of making a mistake. 

That girl on the stage was me, literally, in every sense of the word. Back in theater workshop in the Cultural Center of the Philippines, before the final curtain call---THAT was me. And, so what? 

Well, shortly thereafter--it was a huge success, and the feeling of being scared was just an imagined fear that almost crippled me. But, quickly after, that powerful feeling I had inside of me that pushed through was also bravery facing the fear, facing the music, and facing the crowd... and, oh man -- it is the rarest and most organic feeling, only I could've really done for myself. 

Sunday paper came, and towards the end of that workshop we were printed on the lifestyle section: CCP Summer Theater Success, under a captioned photograph in black and white, all prepubescent boys and girls of the early 90's, hands-up posing for that final curtain call. And suddenly, the rush of pride--it was indeed, one of the proudest days to have growing up.  

So, fear is fear...maybe you need it, or maybe you don't. But in all it's specific forms and shapes, use it to empower you to fight it. Use it to motivate you to be the powerful person that you are. Use it so you can crush it, day in and day out. Be thankful for it, for it humbles you and reminds you that you are alive. 

Fear scares the shit out of me, and everyday, I do face it--- I conquer it. It's an oxymoron of feelings, but it is quite a high, how fear shakes me down and all around, you should give it a try.

I mean, really...what are you afraid of?